I said yesterday that I didn't have the energy to type up the explanation of why the terminology of birthparent, birthmother, birthfather, etc... was changing away from being used. And then this morning in the comments I went and wrote up a short summary anyways. I figure I might as well copy and paste it into a blog post for those that don't want to go comment diving to find it.

This is the article that I first happened across way back when I first started blogging here at livejournal about the name "birthmother" and why it sucked beans.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/Why_Birthmother_Means_Breeder.html

I remember that article rattling cages when it first came out. There also has been a bit of discussion about the history of the the phrase birthmother which also I think helped nudge the change of thoughts about the word. http://musingsofthelame.blogspot.com/2007/11/origin-of-word-birthmother.html

But what I think really started the push away from the term birthmother, is that birthmothers started drawing the line in the sand a couple years ago about who *is* a birthmother and who is *not* a birthmother. The idea that a birthmother was a woman considering an adoption plan was offensive to many birthmothers. If she was to choose adoption of her own free will, then why did everyone already call her a birthmother when the choice couldn't be made until relinquishment? There was about a year or so that "potential birthmother" seemed like an acceptable compromise of stating that expectant women weren't officially birthmothers... but still that didn't set right either as the adoption reform movement started gathering it's legs under it. The "Dear Birthmother" letters being a key issue in this. If a woman is to truly have a non-coercive choice, then she should in all purposes be considered the only mother of her baby. By even suggesting she was a potential birthmother, it was still leaving a feeling of being a deer targeted for hunting. You can spot the people who agree with this thinking by when they correct people or get all upset hearing an expectant mother being called a birthmother.

That change still isn't reflected on adoption websites very much. It's still too new of a rebellion. But it is getting more notice by existing adoptive parents.

Also, there is a seed of thought planted by considering that last thought. If an expectant mother is still mother of her child, is there really a way to de-mother her? Actually, I think adoptees started this part of the change of thoughts. Adoptee reforms were/are about honesty in adoptive parenting and access to the secret documents surrounding said adoption. That pretending that they were born to their adoptive parents was awkward and uncomfortable. The blank slate theory being proved false. If one was to look at child development theory, in every child there is the nature vs nurture debate, and with adoption that debate is even more amplified. It isn't even something that has to be one or the other either. A person is a sum of their nature combined with the nurture they received. One doesn't negate the other. Thus we are and always will be mothers and fathers to our children, just as our children are raised by their mother and father. Adoptive parents claim mother and father without qualifiers for everyday conversations without hesitation. The same is just starting to be said for birthparents. It's awkward as heck, but the change has started to happen as evidence of google searching.

There is one more thought that I have on the topic. In one of my courses this semester on people with disabilities, I studied part of the history of terminology used on people with disabilities. Their history in reform of how they were being treated included changing the language used into people first terminology. Instead of giving a description of a person to be looked for as a "wheelchaired lady" it should be a lady using a wheelchair. That the disability isn't what defines the person and therefore shouldn't be used first to describe a person. I think that totally applies in the feelings of why the birth qualifier is starting to disappear a bit.

http://lifeafterfirstmom.blogspot.com/

I did have one successful find in my google search two days ago. Meet Nicole who relinquished her son into a closed adoption 16 years ago. Last week she found her son's family and reached out via email. What I really like about this relatively new blog is how very tender her thoughts are. Anyway, this blog is some good stuff and needs some comment loving. Go read!