non fluff post attempt about deciding adoption
Dawn wrote a really good post about respecting that the expectant mother may change her mind about the adoption plan but also encouraging a match. Go read it. http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/11/21/another-perspective/

Now that you went and read that post... keep in mind that I realize that the audience is intended to be potential adoptive parents and not necessarily expectant mothers or mothers who already relinquished, but yet here I am responding anyway.

Personally I'm annoyed at the social worker in that post. While practically everything Dawn has ever written about her has come across as caring and as about as ethical as can be, something really got my knickers in a twist this time.

Just like the mothers who relinquished in Dawn's post, once I started the adoption plan that was it as far as I was concerned. And like those mothers, I too worried about my child being rejected by his potential adoptive parents.

But this is where domestic infant adoption is failing the expectant parents in counseling. If potential adoptive parents are supposed to really get that the soon to be born baby isn't their baby until the relinquishment and revocation periods are done and over... than the same should be expected from the expectant parents. Someone needs to explain fully that saying "if you relinquish" is pretty darn respectful.

Because what I see in being respectful towards the expectant parent with the feelings of "this is what I say I'm going to do and it ticks me off that you aren't buying it..." is actually more of don't risk losing a baby by rocking the boat.

I was sure as can be that I was relinquishing by the point of me walking into that adoption lawyer's office. With *no* counseling. Then the required counseling mentioned parenting options and we brushed them off and they smiled respecting our wishes and moved on to the next point on the agenda needing to be talked about. When told about how we could waive our rights to revocation, there was no person willing to say, this is your right and you should take it. It was a reaction of "Oh... okay... if that's what you want to do, THIS is how you do it."

There was no one saying, take your time with your baby in the hospital. No one saying take lots and lots of pictures. In fact it was a whole lot of "do what you feel is right" with no opinion on anything as to it mattering to me. Be on the maternity wing if you wish, but then it may be too hard so you can pick another wing.

I've been interrupted by potty training screeching too many times to make this a deeper post darn it. It's leaning towards convoluted fluff.